Amusing Puns and Double-Meanings 

The pun (a humourous device exploiting two words or expressions sounding the same with two different meanings, usually with two different spellings) is one of the great wonders of the English language. For anyone who seeks to demonstrate the confusing nature of English words and phrases, these examples of funny and clever puns will likely serve your needs.


100% reliable contraception is inconceivable.

Serious campers are intense.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana. 

Sports people can avoid the pain of defeat by wearing comfortable shoes. 

Nut screws washers and bolts. (Headline following a laundrerette sex crime) 

Poetry written upside-down is inverse; poetry of very few lines is universal.

A girl who screamed and shouted for a pony got a little hoarse.

The carpenter's heavy tools were uncomfortable so he got a little sore. 

Nuns generally wear plain colours because old habits never dye.

The days of the pocket diary are numbered.

Lions eat their prey fresh and roar.

Old bikes should be retired.

Geometry holds clues for the meaning of life; look and you will see the sines.

You can't beat a pickled egg. 

If a leopard could cook would he ever change his pots? 

See one melée of unruly people and you've seen a maul. 

Do hungry time-travellers ever go back four seconds? 

When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.

The batteries were given out free of charge.

A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

A will is a dead giveaway.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He's all right now.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.

He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she'd dye.

Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.

Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.